i feel all so grown up suddenly.
the thought of having to have to take care of my ah ma.
and all the grown up stuff.

and sometimes, i don't know what i'm to do.

oh, would you run after me and catch hold?
hahah.
my brother just laughed.

"i love you. and may one million lightning strike me if i lie."
so cute.
i like fighting spiders.

clear these up.
and i need to spend time with you.
ugh. help me please.

9:18 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

you wished he would appear at the lift while walking home for the hundredth time.
and maybe there could be some conversation.

you wished that you could cycle to the beach in a long nice skirt,
and then find a nice spot to seat, and munch on a homemade sandwich that is packed full of goodness.
and stare at the waves, feel the wind in your hair, and the seasalt in your face.
and then take out the precious bible and read, soaking in every word of it.

you try, and sing. but nothing comes. and fight the tears that threaten to flow. and you imagine all sorts of things, playing the images in your head, and all the "what ifs". but of course. you're strong, and you hit reality. sinkin back into what is present around you. and face them with an iron face moulded into a happy one.
what a pretty smile.

why do stars fall down from the sky
every time you walk by?
just like me,
they long to be close to you.

and you try so hard, but everything comes to naught.
or you are just questioned, or misunderstood.


my heart fails me.
my knowledge ails me.
my strength abandons me.

and so i wait,
with my eyes fixed on You.

Labels: keep my heart strong

10:31 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

Jesus Is All The World To Me
Words & Music: Will L. Thomp­son

Jesus is all the world to me, my life, my joy, my all;
He is my strength from day to day, without Him I would fall.
When I am sad, to Him I go, no other one can cheer me so;
When I am sad, He makes me glad, He’s my Friend.

Jesus is all the world to me,
my Friend in trials sore;
I go to Him for blessings,
and He gives them over and o’er.
He sends the sunshine and the rain,
He sends the harvest’s golden grain;
Sunshine and rain, harvest of grain, He’s my Friend.

Jesus is all the world to me,
and true to Him I’ll be;
O how could I this Friend deny,
when He’s so true to me?
Following Him I know I’m right,
He watches o’er me day and night;
Following Him by day and night,
He’s my Friend.

Jesus is all the world to me,
I want no better Friend;
I trust Him now,
I’ll trust Him when life’s fleeting days shall end.
Beautiful life with such a Friend,
beautiful life that has no end;
Eternal life, eternal joy,
He’s my Friend.

12:01 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

Ive got it made
Rest in the shade
And hold my love
While God above
Stirs wiith a spoon
We share the moon
Smile at the bees
More sugar please
He really loves us after all
Were gonna need another straw!
Were gonna need another straw!

So go ahead and ask her
For happy ever after
Cause nobody knows whats coming
So why not take a chance on loving
Come on, pour the glass and tempt me
Either half-full or half-empty
Cause if it all comes down to flavor
The glass is tipping in my favor
Life gave me lemonade and I cant imagine why
Born on a sunny day, beneath a tangerine sky
I live life without pretending
Im a sucker for happy endings
Thanks for the lemonade
Thanks for the lemonade!


Now take your time to answer me
For the beauty of romancing
Is to calm your trembling hand with mine
While begging love to fill your eyes
I can hardly breathe while waiting
To find out what your heart is saying
And as were swirling in this flavor
The world is tilting in our favor

Life gave me lemonade and I cant imagine why
Born on a sunny day, beneath a tangerine sky
I live life without pretending
Im a sucker for happy endings
Thanks for the lemonade
Thanks for the lemonade!

lemonade-chris rice

to calm your trembling hand in mine
begging love to fill your eyes
go ahead and ask me.

Youre all smiles and silly conversation
As if this sunny day came just for you
You twist your hair, you smile, and you turn your eyes away
Cmon, tell me whats right with you
Now it dawns on me probably everybodys talkin
And theres something here Im supposed to realize
Cause your secrets out, and the universe laughs at its joke on me
I just caught it in your eyes, its a beautiful surprise

When did you fall in love with me?
Was it out of the blue
Cause I swear I never knew it
When did you let your heart run free?
Have you been waiting long?
When did you fall in love with me?
When did you fall in love?

Make your way over here, sit down by this fool, and lets rewind
Cmon, lets go back and replay all our scenes
You can point out the hints, the clues, the twists and the smiles this time
All the ones that slipped by me
I bet my face is red, and you can hear my heart poundin
Well I guess it dont matter now that I realize
Cause baby I missed it then, but I can surely see you now
Right here before my eyes
Youre my beautiful surprise

When did you fall in love with me?
Was it out of the blue
Cause I swear I never knew it
When did you let your heart run free?
Have you been waiting long?
When did you fall in love with me?
When did you fall in love?

Was it at the coffee shop
Or that morning at the bus stop
When you almost slipped, and I caught your hand
Or the time we built the snowman
The day at the beach, sandy and warm
Or the night with the scary thunderstorm
I never saw the signs
Now weve got to make up for lost time
And I can tell now by the way that youre looking at me
Id better finish this song so my lips will be free

Have you been waiting long, when did you fall in love
I kept you waiting so long, when did you fall
Have you been waiting long
When did you fall in love with me
When did you fall in love?

when did you fall-chris rice

Labels: when did you fall in love with me?

1:25 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

looking at xin en's photos in california and other cool places.
and it leaves me feeling little forlorn.
wishing i could not be here and be somewhere else.

i dreamt ah ma forgot who i was.

i'm going for a nap and a run.

hopefully i'll wake up to better dreams.
and a better mind.

4:09 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

YAWNS.
and at the end of the day,
it's down again to whom you know you can talk to,
and to who would really bother and listen to you,
bother and care about you.

i know i can trust you
talk to you
cry to you
sing to you
rant and do whatever.

and aye.
sometimes,
what s the use of trying?
i find im withdrawing into myself more,
and oh well.
i don't know what to mkae out of it
except that im starting to sound more emo and i don't know what i'm talking about really.
words dont matter do they?

Child,
i love you.
do you know that?

oh to hear that once again,
in my ear,
in my heart.
and all that matters is really You.

strength to last all that is ahead.
joy to keep smiling and be all that i can be.

and okay.
im going to bed.
with all these thoughts in my head that i can't figure.

i should spend a quiet moment with you.

Labels: luifhdnldkjnvfddl.

11:44 PM

i can't believe it's wed.
and into my second week of hols.
first week being taken up by youth camp.
which was a blast, and yet so trying at the same time.

nowadays i don't even know who im talking to
and what im talking about and what im thinking.
dear Lord,
what has happened?

my mum keeps asking,
"what is wrong with you?
xin bu zai yan."
yader yader.

and i can't answer the questions myself.
i can't.

and i feel im losing sight of my to-do-list.
and sometimes it feels like it's a *KNAJlkDN.
striving and striving.
and the constant saying in your mind that
you've gotta do this
you've gotta do that.

and there's so much more to ramble on.

Labels: more.

11:22 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

why do i feel so unheard.
and now,
i do understand what it is like to be unheard.
it feels, kinda,
hmmm.

im quite comfortable with it.
but it still kinda sucks a little.
i want to be out,
by the beach,
and talking to you.

or somewhere else.
i need to get things sorted out
with you my dear.
but i can't seem to think,
or do much less.

i thought sleep would help,
it does i guess,
for a little while.
constant wakings to the alarm and thinking what i want to do,
and have to do.

clinicals are over,
and i miss school.

and i don't know what im feeling right now.
jaded.

would you come back down
if you land on your feet
i hope you find your way to make it back to me
would you come around
i'll be there for you
don't have to be alone with what you're going through.

moving in
moving out.

1:24 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

it seems like time,
runs very quickly,
and sometimes stops.

You hold my every moment.
You calm my raging seas.
You walk with me through fire
and heal all my disease.

polyclinic has been quite boring.

i won't forget how it was like to cry in someone's arms.
felt so nice to just sob into dad's shoulder.
but think he felt embarrassed and wanted me to stop,
and gently pushed me away after he prayed.
and if only.

give me a moment here with you.


oh,
why does it feel like your heart can be so frail sometimes?
and like it could crumble and fall,
or feel immense ache,
and you do not know the meaning or cause of it all.

why Lord?

but i'm giving my heart to You.
again,
as i fall at your feet,
and cry out Your name.
a thouand times i've failed
still Your mercy remains.


i'm missing school.
and all my friends.
thankfully i'm in bedok still, and feel at least quite at home.
give my hands something to do,
and my mouth someone to speak to,
my ears to hear You.

seems like these days are ordinary days.
and i feel impending feelings of dread,
or of caution, or of fear.
i know not why.
but perfect love casts out fear.
and i'm afraid my heart cannot take whatever that is to come.
but You are stronger.
You are.



and i hope in that.

what mixed feelings i have.



let me smile in my sleep tonight cause i know You love me still.

Labels: (:

12:41 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

i can't believe it.
it's been a month.

the ups and downs.
crazy moments.
so many times of walking out and wishing i had sunnies on to hide my tears,
sitting on trains, standing,
walking.
wishing i had afew pairs of shoes and feet.
wishing i could sit down,
eating simple meals and bread.
drinking juices and coffee.
pressing no to get into the tearoom and toilet.
walking here and there.
rushing here and there.

it's too much,
and too many to type them in here.

and the patients.
i feel like crying.
oh gosh.

sighs.
feeling all so overwhelmed by emotions.
of whos and whats and whys.
i want to collapse into Your arms and forget,
or hold on to memories.

my brain is overworked.
and what do i say to her?
to love, to care, to show.

your passion.
don't ever lose it.
i pray,
i won't.

but still, so many unfulfilled dreams.
what do i do with them?

feelings of entrapment.
argh.

why can'ti be who i want to be sometimes?
and i do the things that are so silly.
why caron,why?

i know Your word will light my way.
please. light it.

Labels: my heart is heavy.

1:10 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

visit the peranakan musuem.
visit the arts musuem.
paint/draw/colour a picture along Singapore River or some exquisite place.
busk at orchard road with a ukelele/guitar.
walk along any road with nice cool breeze.

these are afew of my favourite things.

that i wish to do.
right now.
and i think ill probably do them alone.
cause i don't think anyone would want, or be available to accompany me.

and why do my memories frequently visit me?

why does it seem like i feel so alone sometimes?

or everything seems to go wasted.

haha.
i'm just at a lack for words.

and yeah,
love the world.
love people.
people needing Jesus,
and more of Him.
His peace, joy.

i shall do them.
myself.

at the end of a tiring day.
who sees?
and bothers?
and who cares?

You,
do.

11:14 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

ugh.
demands demands demands.

i'm going nuts with them.
i want to run away.

can you please stop asking me to do this and that.
im up to my neck.

and i don't know what to do.

ugh.

tell me tell me tell me.

run run run.
escape.

can time please stop and let me catch my breath.
i feel like i can't breathe anymore.

Your love filled me this morning.
restored.
the broken places.
where it felt like i had been giving,
and reaching out.
but it was shut off.
and rejected.
hurled and abused.
little did i know it hurt so much.
but You.
heal
touch.
and make me whole again.


restoring what was broken
so it may fly again.


thank You for Your amazing Love.

Love so amazing
so divine
demands my soul
my life my all.


come on.
its just one more week.
and another.

don't be surprised if i collapse
down at Your feet again.

Labels: help me to believe. and walk this road.

2:01 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

shout it out (:

-

all the brothers and sisters

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of old.

-

credits.

-

wonderful people

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